I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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