we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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