I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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