I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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