i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
