Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
