Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
