Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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