I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
