ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
