I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
