So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
