I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
