she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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