I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Can you bring me the toilet please
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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