i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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