He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
