maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
