Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
