so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
