In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
