Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
