doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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