you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Mom said you looked used
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
