i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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