I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
