I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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