I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
