Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I touched a dick in church today
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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