oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
