first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
this hospital has no fireball
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
