first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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