I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
No...this little piggys going to the bar
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
