I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
are you so shy because you have an std?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
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I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
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Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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