butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
