you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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