So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
