I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
