It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
