I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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