my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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