he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
