cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
