I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
