just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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