I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
