You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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