I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
