She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
