Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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