Define "chronic" masturbator.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
