Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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