i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
