he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
