i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
