It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
