im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
