This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
