Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
