i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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