i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
